A Brett Ratner Film

Ah, trailers. Last night, I had the delight of seeing Knocked Up for a second time (and more of that later, because it was much better this time around). As it was when I saw it at Campbelltown, they kicked off with the more “sensitive” I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry trailer, which I very conveniently had to take a phone call during. (On the note of that cinematic gem, wowing box offices the US over, the movie is a unifying influence: hated by homosexuals and militant religious groups alike – perhaps it’s not so bad after all!)

The rest of the trailers were all new to me, though; it’s either the use of separate prints at separate cinemas or, quite likely, a second wind more than a month into the movie’s run (the same thing happened at Borat, which I saw three times at George Street).

So the first of the new ones is a big dose of what the eff for me.

Brett Ratner is now big enough for his name to appear above a film’s title? IMDB is listing for next year Untitled Brett Ratner Project? I won’t go so far as to say that he’s a vanity plate on the level of Michael Bay, but come on! Looking over his CV, he hasn’t done a lot, and some of his films have been innocuous, but when they weren’t, dear lord they weren’t.

First I’ll go with Jackie Chan, who I’ve got little to say except for this: Shanghai Knights ranks among the worst films I’ve ever seen. Owen Wilson was lucky that he had his work with Wes Anderson to fall back on, or I would punch him so hard in the face that his nose would finally fix itself and he would lose his cinematic trademark. You’re good value, Owen Wilson; don’t bring yourself down to this sort of level again. Despite the lack of Ratner activity, the Shanghai franchise was another Jackie Chan “buddy movie” – so I could bring it up here.

I don’t have much else to say about this trailer, besides the fact that it features an action sequence that looks pretty much directly lifted from the first Rush Hour and it features a lot of hilarious “The French and Americans hate each other!” jokes – Chris Rock thought it was because he’s black, but nooooo! Take that, humourous expectation! What really draws one’s attention is this:

You’re Asian! Stop humiliating yourself!

What the hell is that supposed to mean? This is a movie that has a fairly amusing “Who’s on first?” with Chinese names, but then … seriously, what the hell, Chris Rock? I’m essentially apoplectic with confusion. Are Asian people the new minstrels of Hollywood or something? They’re teaming them up with gays (please note: Asian people can be gay, too, which would make for a movie so funny the world would create a black hole from which no laughter could escape) across the land. We are truly in a new and golden age of cinema.

On the other hand, I saw the trailer for Die Hard 4.0 (strangely not going by its American title, Live Free or Die Hard), and if that’s not going to be the best movie ever, I don’t know what is. I mean, I’d heard that a car gets driven into a helicopter, but … seeing it in action!

My relationship with dumb action movies is patchy at best. Most of the time I couldn’t be bothered, but something about a movie of this calibre just gets my blood pumping. I’ve only seen the first Die Hard, starring Severus Snape and Carl Winslow, but I don’t think I need a lot of briefing for this movie. I think that one can pretty much just go and watch any Bruce Willis action movie and know what sort of things they can expect.

Also on offer was The Bourne Ultimatum, which had a trailer that was actually compelling, unlike the teaser that I saw at Breach (coincidentally, that was a great movie with powerhouse performances – vindicating my undying love for Laura Linney). I’m not going to share that here, but it’s still interesting to note that a trailer can either make a movie more appealing or a total turn off.

PS. When I saw The Simpsons Movie (and more on that later, although I’m tempted instead to submit a long, drawn out yawn), I was confronted with a trailer for Ratatouille. Sure, we’re way behind here, but it looks awesome.

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