Next! Movies that are Superbad

Nicolas Cage! What are you doing to me, man! On a morning that I felt all warm and fuzzy towards you thanks to Adaptation, I found out that you made Next:

Clearly, Jessica Biel is Hollywood’s new love interest … but who could love Nicolas Cage with that hair? This is a Phillip K. Dick vehicle, but we all know that guarantees nothing. For every Blade Runner there are a million Paychecks. For every A Scanner Darkly there’s a Total Recall (and how ambiguous is this statement?).
Much as I’ve grown to love Julianne Moore, she’s no guarantee of a quality movie. I mean, sure, she’s great and all … but Julianne Moore versus stupid hair Nicolas Cage? I’m not exactly in a hurry for that. No wonder there was a five month delay between the US and here.

On the other hand, Superbad, despite its tempting name, looks like it could be a fantastic comedic tour de force, even though it’s a teen sex comedy. Check out the “R Rated” trailer, which is totally not safe for work (but who uses YouTube at work? For shame):

I mean, come on! McLovin! Having a gun is like having two cocks … if one of your cocks could kill someone! So yeah, I don’t need to identify with the contents of a movie to enjoy it … unless you’re the pathetic friend of a Camero that creepily tries to get you to copulate with pretty girls on top of it. (That’s right, Michael Bay! You will never cease tasting my wrath!)

Leave a Reply